


Twister on the Floor

by BellaKatrina



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Multi, Total crackfic, Triad - Freeform, Wink wink nudge nudge, hints of bdsm, house decorating, if you know what i mean, the dog is definitely not an actual dog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 09:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20927939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BellaKatrina/pseuds/BellaKatrina
Summary: Rich gets his loves an interior designer, just what they've always wanted. They just have to not die of embarrassment when he asks her to build some demented version of Barbie's BDSM dream home.





	Twister on the Floor

Patterson's lounging on the couch, running her fingers through Boston's hair, when the doorbell rings.

"I've got it!" Rich yells, running for the door.

"Are we expecting anyone?" Boston asks.

Patterson blinks. "Rich obviously was. Why else did he tell us we had to stay dressed?"

Before he can respond, Rich leads a black-clad woman into their living room. She immediately sits her bag down on the floor, pulling out a notebook. "The light! The ceiling height! Richard, it's _marvelous_!" she exclaims.

_'Richard_?' Patterson mouths at Boston, who just shrugs.

"I got us an interior designer!" Rich yelps at them, then starts babbling at the woman.

"Tell me he didn't." Boston whispers.

"It's _Rich_." Patterson whispers back. "_Of course_ he did."

Rich claps his hands. "I know we talked a little bit already about colors, but let me point out some features we need. First, there needs to be some sort of storage for the harnesses and leashes."

"Oh, you have dogs? How _wonderful_!" The woman coos.

"No." Rich says just as Patterson yells "_YES!_ Of course we do, why else would we have leashes?", laughing nervously, and Boston brightly states "Oh God."

Rich looks at them, baffled. He continues on as if they aren't acting oddly. "Patty has her heart set on a coffee table that's also a crate. Is there any sort of multifunctional design like that on the market?"

"That's _brilliant_!" The designer approves. "What size dog are we talking about?"

Before Rich gets a chance to embarrass them, Patterson questions "Would you believe one about Rich's size?"

"Do you have one of those Russian bear dogs?" She responds. "They're _fabulous_!"

Boston chimes in. "The word 'bear' _has_ been used as a descriptor before, yes."

"_Turkish_ bear, thank you very much." Rich pouts. "Russian, my ass."

"How _unique_, a Turkish bear dog, I've never seen those before!" The woman exclaims. "Is he around, I'd love to pet him!"

"Hands off, lady." Boston growls.

Patterson tries to cover with a quick "Doggy daycare!" She elbows Boston in the ribs.

The designer gives them a strange look, but carries on. "Well, _clearly_ you'll want hardwoods then, to help with the shedding. Teak?"

"No, carpet please! With lots of padding!" Rich seems perturbed by the wood flooring suggestion. "My knees just can't take hard surfaces any more." He explains.

"_Twister_!" Patterson yells. The designer jumps at the volume.

"We play _so_ much Twister!" Boston corroborates. "But totally clothed! No naked Twister in _this_ house! So many layers! Layers are good. We love clothes."

Rich and the designer both look at them like they've completely lost their minds. Rich turns her to look up at the ceiling. "I was thinking, if it's not too much hassle, you could design some sort of hanging chain installation? Something sturdy, of course. Nice and strong, can hold two hundred pounds or more."

Boston and Patterson look at each other, panicked. "So many heavy potted plants!" Boston bellows at the same time that Patterson shrieks _"Huge_ Christmas decorations!"

They look at each other again in confusion, scrunching up their shoulders and shaking their heads.

"I adore Christmas in July! Christmas year round, in fact!" Boston frantically chirps.

"Who doesn't love a good potted fern!" Patterson covers. "Yay greenery?"

"What the _hell_, you guys? _Cut it out_." Rich hisses at them. "You're being _weird."_

"You want to hang sturdy _chains_. From the _ceiling_. For ferns and holiday decorations?" The designer questions, wrinkling her nose as she does so, trying to picture it. No one speaks for a few seconds, then she nods. "I can see that. It's very new age industrial modern with a twist of urban farming and a touch of retro hippiness. _Very_ cutting edge." She clearly approves.

Rich, Boston, and Patterson all gape at each other.

"Uh…" Rich tries to get back on point. "About the couch."

"_Leather_." The designer states crisply. "_Has_ to be leather. Black."

"No arguments here." Boston murmurs to Patterson, and she tries not to laugh.

"Yeah, we all love that." Rich agrees. "Can you do built-in handcuffs?"

"Oh _God_." Boston reiterates, putting his head on Patterson's shoulder and trying not to lose his composure.

"We all work for the FBI and…" Patterson has _no_ clue how to make this sound more normal. "And we like being reminded of being at work even when we're home? The FBI office is really stylish?" She weakly offers, voice inflicting up at the end of each sentence.

Boston starts cackling.

The designer nods. "It is, isn't it? My mentor had a hand in that last remodel. I love all the steel and glass. I can do something like that here. Hmm…" she starts sketching. 

"Oh, and it needs to convert into a king sized bed." Rich adds. "With silk sheets."

"Guest bed!" Boston yelps. "We don't have enough room for all our guests! We treat our guests well."

"You _must_, the guest experience is _so_ important." The designer nods and continues sketching and writing notes.

"Would it be possible to add a pole in that corner?" Rich points to the other side of the room.

"Like a _fireman's_ pole!" Patterson says. "Definitely _not_ a stripper pole! I _certainly_ wouldn't want one of _those."  
_

Boston glowers at her, mouthing 'could you make it any harder for me?'. "With a trapdoor we can open so we can slide down from the floor above?"

"That's awesome!" Rich's eyes light up. "Yes, that!"

"_Very_ cool." The designer nods. "Is that all?"

Patterson quickly slaps her hand over Rich's mouth. "Yep, that'll do it."

"Fabulous! I'll be back in touch next week with sketches and an estimate." She smiles at them. "I'm _so_ excited about this project!"

Patterson and Boston insist on walking her to the door, not wanting to leave her alone with Rich again. He follows them, but waits until they're alone again. "Seriously, guys, what's the what?"

"Rich!" Patterson is _furious_. "I cannot believe you invited a stranger in and then asked her to build us some demented version of Barbie's BDSM dream home! I mean, I like some of the ideas and they'll be convenient, but... bad Rich!"

"I can easily believe that you would, but why didn't you give us some advanced warning?" Boston adds, frowning.

Rich smirks, and that's when they both realize he did it on purpose to get them angry. Patterson's jaw drops. "You seriously want to be punished, don't you?"

Rich winks at them.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, I have no explanation for this other than it's a Sunday night and I'm just a little bit drunk and a little bit trying to not to think about how tomorrow's a Monday... 
> 
> Also, title is not only reference to the carpeting but also a lyric from Britney's "3", which is apropos.


End file.
